I’m better then bitter.

My current dilemma is how I can be so happy and so sad at the same time. How I want to scream at the top of my lungs for two very different reasons…
I wish people could see that this is hurting me just as much as it is hurting them… Or maybe not. Maybe this isn’t hurting them. They are probably just fine without me. Clearly if I don’t hear from you for over 6 months then I guess yeah.. we probably aren’t on speaking terms anymore. Then again I blame myself. I blame myself for my ever present lazy attitude towards life in general. Always waiting for someone to make the move and never striking while the iron is hot. I’m not a risk taker, I can’t say that. But what I can say is that I’m not fake. I never pretended to be someone I was not. I was always genuine and I always cared. Losing friends sometimes hurts more than a breakup cause there is way more collateral damage. Damage that is irreparable. Some of the most amazing times of my life were spent with the quad/tribal. But when things don’t work out or just don’t seem to be right anymore then it’s not meant to be. It’s meant to be a lesson just like everything else in my life. I say never say never. Maybe a reunion is in the future, but then again are people that don’t care, that dis you, forget you exist when you are at the most happiest point in your life worth it? … To be honest I’m better off. I’m tired of being the one to always put the work in and fighting for people to stay in my life. It’s time for someone to fight for me. Friends shouldn’t be bitter, it just means you need better.