I always knew, even as a little girl, that there was going to come a time where I had to bury my innocence and make the toughest decisions of my life. I was simply going to have to grow up and make those decisions that will forever alter my future. I just didn’t think it would be staring me in the face, at this very moment. I can’t honestly say that I wish I could turn back the hands of time and force myself to get out there and to start growing up. I think it’s because, even though I hate pressure, it is my ultimate motivator. Nothing gets done until I’m absolutely on the brink. However, I have improved on that flaw.
I once heard, “Why do something today when you can put it off for tomorrow?” I think that pretty much sums up my life. It is always tomorrow. Well, tomorrow is here and was here and past and past about a year or more ago. I still can’t seem to grasp this turning point in my life. There is always just too much to do now that anything that doesn’t need immediate notice, I just look over and unfortunately bury in my conscience until it wells up at the surface. I don’t recommend this strategy for life. This path was not something I intended but somehow always suspected. I don’t get lucky in life that much where I can just coast through life with little worry. I have to work every day and every night to keep my life standing afloat. To be honest, I would give anything for someone to take that all away. All the stress and worrying and work that never seems to get done or the decisions that are never made. I can’t seem to find another ounce of space in my brain to keep myself functioning from day-to-day. I don’t know what I like anymore or what I’m good at. I’ve never second guessed myself so much or have felt so lost. Eventually, maybe tomorrow I’ll figure something out.