Twenty- ONE

Today is my 21st birthday… well one hour left of it. 
You’re not supposed to cry on your birthday. But I cry because I’m scared and I’m scared because I cry. 
I just finished my junior year of college and I have no idea where I am going. I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow.
AND I’m just so scared… like I’m falling so far behind that I’ll never catch up. It frustrates me that when I think I’ve finally figured it out, it never works out. 

I’m just looking forward to going to AC on the 31st and forgetting things I can’t seem to change no matter what I try to do. I’m trying. Sometimes I feel like I can’t but I don’t really know what it is I want anymore. The not knowing is what kills. 

I need assurance that it will all work out and that I won’t feel so unfulfilled forever.