My Glimmer of a Rainbow

Happy New Year 2015!

My last post was definitely a depressing one. It’s really hard to write what you’re feeling, but as I’ve learned it’s the only way I know how to heal. Since writing that last post I’ve spotted a glimmer of the rainbow that I alluded to at the end of the last post. What that rainbow refers to is the fact that I’m actually no longer unemployed. I’ve waited probably close to 3 years to say that. It’s been a long time coming. And I don’t know why it had to be that way but sometimes there are things in life you will never understand and that’s something you just have to live with and move on from.

It’s been a long road to get to this point. Now in full disclosure, my job is in retail but I’m in a management position and making enough money to afford to lease a brand new car. Those two things right there are enough to make me smile from ear to ear. I’ve wanted a new car for years now and I just never had the money to do it. My car was almost 17 years old and had seen much better days. It needed repairs that were going to cost me a pretty penny and so I felt it was time to send it in and trade it for a new one since I felt I could take on that financial challenge. I’m still nervous about it because I’ve only been at my new job for just shy of 2 months. It’s not a long time and I’m always afraid something bad is going to happen because let’s face it not much can be guaranteed in my life anymore. I’m trying really hard to be the best I can at my new job and I really want to excel. Sometimes it’s hard to focus at work because I’m constantly thinking of what if something bad happens and then I’m out of a job? What’s my next move? When am I going to get my career based job that I’ve always dreamed of?

There are so many what-ifs in my life. But I want to make a resolution for the year 2015… I want to try my hardest to not stress about the future but to live in the present and enjoy every moment. To put my best effort into everything that I do. To prove that I’m worthy of a fair chance at life and to be thankful for everything that I’m blessed with. I don’t want to stress anymore and be constantly afraid to live my life. I want to enjoy it, embrace it and make the most of it. I just want to feel alive with a purpose.

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2 thoughts on “My Glimmer of a Rainbow

  1. I know what you mean about the fear of losing work – I have gone through 4 jobs this past year. I now work in 2 part time jobs.One of them I have only just got, after working for 2 months in a temp position they have decided to keep me on. But hours have now went from 30 a week to 15. So I am having to keep my weekend job at a restaurant. It is not ideal, I graduated university two years ago, I had this dream-like idea that work would come my way but things have been much too difficult. But I have to stop worrying myself, I might loose a job tomorrow but it is out of my control. So I am making sure I spend any free time I have to focus on my own art work. – As you say relax and live in the present.

    1. I totally admire your ability to embrace life and not worry about what is uncontrollable. Life is beyond unpredictable. I’m thankful that I have what I have; and that is what I keep telling myself everyday. I too thought that a job would sort of just come to me and that I didn’t have to almost make the impossible possible but I’m finding that there is beauty in timing and right now I’m meant to be where I am.

      Much love and thank you for commenting! 🙂

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