Treat yourself: An open letter to the Class of 2014

Numb and nauseous, currently and perpetually.

Meaghan McGoldrick


To the Class of 2014,

This is it. One month ’till May and, odds are, you’re feeling numb and nauseous. The walls are closing in, all rugs have been pulled out and you’re compulsively spell-checking your resumé (while simultaneously snapchatting, putting off that ten-page paper and planning your next pregame). In six or so weeks you’ll be saying goodbye — to friends, to family, to weeknight whiskey specials — because an Irish Exit isn’t in the cards anymore. Not for four years of college.

You’re scared, (see also: restless, sleep-deprived, and a slave to happy hour), and that’s okay.

Trust your convictions. Go out on a Tuesday even though it’s raining and you know the bar’s full of freshmen. Have one, or ten too many people over (your neighbors won’t hold that title much longer) and stop censoring your rounds of slapcup. Put a ten in the jukebox. Take more selfies. Wear more sweatpants…

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20 Quotes That Prove Judy Blume Taught Us Everything About Life, Sex, And Growing Up

Thought Catalog


“I am not scared of you. I am scare of these feelings.”

“A person without curiosity may as well be dead.”

“That’s not a bad word. ‘Hate’ and ‘war’ are bad words. ‘Fuck’ isn’t.”

“I can’t let safety and security become the focus of my life.”

“Not everything has to have a point. Some things just are. ”

“’If being in love means giving up your freedom, not to mention your opportunities,’ Caitlin said, ‘then I haven’t missed anything.’”

“Like my mother said, you can’t go back to holding hands”

“I still get angry when older people assume that everyone in my generation, screws around. They’re probably the same ones who think all kids use dope. It’s true that we are more open than our parents but that just means we accept sex and talk about it. It doesn’t mean we are all jumping into bed together.”

“Some changes…

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Dear Prom Date… I’m Sorry

Now that it has been almost 4 years since my senior prom and high school graduation (cue the anxiety attack), I have found myself reflecting often on events that have happened almost 4 years ago. One in particular stands out in my mind, senior prom.

Let me explain a little about myself first. I was by no means a popular girl in high school. I was a drop out cheerleader who opted to do the less competitive and less strict football cheer leading, which was not highly respected by the team I just left. The one thing I still believe today is that because I was once a cheerleader people didn’t hate on me but rather let me float by. And that’s what I did. I was a floater. I didn’t stick to one crowd. I had some friends that remained but every year was a different scene. I didn’t go out to crazy parties, hook up or do questionable things. I was just average, a wall flower that just got by.

I always feared senior year for a lot of the above reasons I just mentioned. Boys weren’t really on my radar. Joe Jonas was though. (I’m cringing now) I was still stuck in some child hood world where responsibilities didn’t exist. I didn’t really know what it was like to be a high schooler, I was just entering the world 5 days a week. Somehow I managed to get by with very little embarrassments or harassments, and to be honest I’m still shocked because life decided to hit me with the awkward looking stage when I got to high school and lingered up until  senior year.

So when senior year came around and some of my close friends had boyfriends and it seemed like everyone was pairing up for prom, I felt like the kid that no one wanted to pick at gym. It wasn’t because I wasn’t pretty enough or good enough ( I know that now), it was because no one could notice me when all I liked to do was hide. I didn’t talk to boys in high school, very few even knew who I was. I found most of them repulsive. And to quote my favorite movie character of all time Cher Horowitz “They’re like dogs. You have to clean them and feed them and they’re just like these nervous creatures that jump and slobber all over you.” She continues with that it’s a personal choice that every woman has to make for herself and I definitely made that choice.

I guess you can say I wasn’t too confident in myself and loathed my appearance. I didn’t like going to the gym but I wasn’t fat. I didn’t wear makeup or really own any makeup, but I wasn’t ugly. I guess I just didn’t want the world to see me until I was ready to be seen.

However, when I started my senior year, I gradually became a different person. Someone that I didn’t all together recognize. I was transforming and growing my own wings to fly on my own. I started to gain confidence in myself and my appearance wasn’t so harsh, except for the fact that I was the most I ever or have ever weighed in my life, I still was slowly trying to find out who I was. My room didn’t seem so entertaining anymore and I started going out, hanging with some old friends and meeting new people and creating lots of lasting memories.

So when it came down to the wire on getting a date for prom, I was still lost. I actually wanted to go with an old friend who repeatedly turned me down and then got a girlfriend, really put a stint in my personal growth. I didn’t know where to even begin. I was a 17-year-old girl who never went on a date and rarely ever talked to boys her own age. My friends tried to find people for me but their prospects were the bottom of the barrel. Then I had a thought, (*Changed the names for anonymity) what about Mac. Mac wasn’t a bad guy. He was  by no means popular and sometimes the butt of people’s jokes, (sometimes my own) but he wasn’t ugly or too much of a nerd or smelt bad or seemed way off. He was just average like me and I didn’t hear much about him having a date. I had talked to him junior year because we shared a few classes that required group work. He seemed like the kind of guy that you could just pick up a conversation with and that continued into senior year when we had another class together and decided to face some of the awkwardness together.

To be honest he was always somewhat of a last resort. If all else failed and I was never asked then I had to swallow my pride and ask him myself. It was about 2 days before the deposit was due for the prom and I had nothing going for me. I cried and I cried but ultimately I felt myself giving up and that’s a feeling that I am never okay feeling. I had only one choice left and I had nothing left to lose. When I got to school that morning I stalked him out and he happened to pass by me and said hello. I took advantage of the situation quick and asked him straight out: “Are you going to prom?” I felt completely out of my element. He said something about money but I was too nervous to hear much else because my heart was beating into my eardrums, until I spit it out: “Do you want to go to prom?” His face couldn’t have gotten anymore Irish red and his smile was the brightest I’ve ever seen. He was on cloud nine for the rest of the day and it made me feel good to make someone feel great but I was the one that wasn’t satisfied. Of course I was settling and when desperate times called for desperate measures, I took what I could get.

We talked a lot after that. Through text and some strange reason through email, (this kid wrote novels with every reply) and with every conversation things got easier and then they got worse. He started to become too attached, he would write me pages of emails that outlined more about his life then I ever needed to know. I started to become embarrassed by my choice and didn’t want anyone to know. Besides that, I started to like this boy and even though it was hard to tell what my feelings were, we wanted to go to prom together but we both had other dates. (GREAT TIMING, LIFE)

Now for the main reason this post is truly being written: I want to apologize for the second time to Mac, my prom date. Who I probably emotionally scarred for life.

Dear Mac,

I know I have already written you an apology 3 years ago, but I want you to know that what I did to you and how I handled prom still remains a constant reminder in my life. Guilt is not something I know how to deal with and to this day I still feel pain in my heart when I think about the moments that I completely ignored you or ran away from you and tried to hide. It seems so foolish now but at that moment, I just wanted to be free. I found something in myself that night that I didn’t know I had in me, confidence and a spark that finally ignited. I know then you deserved so much more than that. You looked so handsome that night and I wish I could have appreciated it but I didn’t because I wasn’t mature enough and I was too scared to become vulnerable and to see myself with a guy, which is something that I NEVER done before. But because of that night, I became the girl I always wanted to be. Someone who didn’t let her circumstances get in the way of what she wanted, the girl who was spontaneous, outgoing and willing to take risks.
But I’m truly sorry. I can still see your face in all it’s sorrow and rejection. I can still remember how it felt to ride in the limo with the look on your face as if you couldn’t be anymore mad or upset and I’m sorry that I didn’t care because if I was you I don’t think I would have made it one hour without bursting into tears.
Even though for a long while after senior prom I didn’t regret the things I did, I do regret them now. In some ways I have to because they were wrong and hurtful and that’s not me. I could have been who I wanted to be without burning a really good guy.
I wanted to be with the guy I liked and even though things with him did in no way turn out the way I wanted or expected, without that night happening the way it did, I would not be where I am today and I am very happy in some ways with how my today looks. Because if I didn’t find myself that night, I would be a very dark and depressed girl who would be still hiding. I became alive that night and I can’t feel sorry for that. Just know that you gave me more than I could ever repay you for, being my prom date, you gave me myself.

Sincerely your remorseful prom date,



“It’s the hardest times that make us grow the most.”
Recently I have experienced my most feared emotion… Rejection. It’s absolutely the toughest pill to swallow, to accept and to process. When I was initially rejected I was numb but in a turn of events, I was relieved. A light wave of happiness washed over me to make me feel like for every bad thing there is a good thing that follows. Something told me that I shouldn’t fear or be sad that what I had prayed for most wasn’t going to happen.
In the depths of my rejection, I lost myself. I lost my smile. Even the wave couldn’t quite squelch the pain. I still had to process why I wasn’t accepted and why even when I try my hardest it still isn’t enough. I was raging. There had to be a mistake.
But I realized that maybe I wasn’t meant for that. Fate had other plans. God wasn’t closing the door he was just leading me towards a new one and maybe he was really helping me to feel something I may feel for a while. And maybe he is trying to tell me to listen to my heart and to not silence the screams within in me. I believe he has a master plan for me and he had to show me pain to make me see that I need to follow what I want most and not settle because I deserve it. He also brought me my love with a beautiful bouquet to remind me I’m special and my smile couldn’t hide anymore.

Twenty- ONE

Today is my 21st birthday… well one hour left of it. 
You’re not supposed to cry on your birthday. But I cry because I’m scared and I’m scared because I cry. 
I just finished my junior year of college and I have no idea where I am going. I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow.
AND I’m just so scared… like I’m falling so far behind that I’ll never catch up. It frustrates me that when I think I’ve finally figured it out, it never works out. 

I’m just looking forward to going to AC on the 31st and forgetting things I can’t seem to change no matter what I try to do. I’m trying. Sometimes I feel like I can’t but I don’t really know what it is I want anymore. The not knowing is what kills. 

I need assurance that it will all work out and that I won’t feel so unfulfilled forever.  

Bitter Sweetie

I was just sitting on Facebook and I realized something. Why am I being a bitter BIT*H? What do I really have to gain from having some resentment, animosity or jealousy toward other people. It makes me feel like I have this black hole in my heart and glazes my judgement. All I have ever wanted in life was to be accepted and yet my body is doing the one thing I hate: rejection. It is rejecting any possible friendship and positive outlook on life that I can have.

I truly believe in mind over matter. It is all in the way you look at things and how you process them out to other people. I know I am not perfect, clearly. But all I do is judge not only other people but myself and that makes me feel horrible in the worst way. I know I was cursed with jealousy, it’s a fundamental flaw that is almost unsurpassable, but I know I am a really good hearted person. Some where along the way life toughened me up and made me a little bitter toward life and other people. I don’t like and nor do I feel I should be this way. I want to make a change because I really am a genuinely good person who is nice, fun and respectful. I want to look at someone and not wish I could trade places or wish they didn’t exist because they have this goddess body or perfect life. I just want to be the best me possible and liven that black hole in my heart up a little bit at a time and maybe I will see a great deal of difference in my life. If anyone has suggestions on how to go about this or even if you want to take this plunge with me, be my guest and shoot me a message ! I promise I am friendly don’t let my posts fool you 🙂


I CHERYL ELIZABETH HUMPHREY, solemnly swear that I will not have any bitter attitude or thoughts and will treat every person the way I would want to be treated. I will see life in a whole new way.



Let’s just say that this semester was anything but ideal. It was a nightmare. A nearly 4 month long nightmare; that seemed never ending. I didn’t know if I was really going to be able to make it through sometimes. It was the most academically, mentally and emotionally challenging and draining semester. It was quite possibly the lowest point I have ever reached in my academic career.

I remember being so excited to start the semester. Only going two days a week and taking what seemed to be interesting classes, turned into a complete mess. I was crying almost every week. I was staying up late, getting up early and devoting everyday to school work. Whether it was reading, writing or researching. I was doing them all. Sometimes what felt like, all at once. I would start everyday on the wrong side of the bed. It’s such a deflating feeling, waking up everyday and knowing that there is so much to be done and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. There was no rest, no relaxation and no time for fun. If I was doing anything remotely selfish, it was because if I didn’t take a break every once in a while, I would have gone insane.

I never cried so much. I never prayed so much over school. Never imagined I would want out of something so badly. I was hoping that somehow, someway it would all disappear. My stress level was sky high and I thought at any minute I would com-bust from the tension. I took out my stress on my parents and sometimes my boyfriend. We didn’t go out much or do fun things together because every minute I was looking at a book or typing up a paper. It was so frustrating. I was becoming depressed. I didn’t know what the end of the semester was gonna look like cause I wasn’t sure if I would make it another day. Meaning, I wanted to drop out more than anything.

I can remember parking my car in the morning and spending those few minutes in my quiet car just to get my head together for the long day ahead. But most importantly, I remember thinking, I could drive away right now… far, far away and no one would notice. I wouldn’t miss a whole lot at school and if I did who cares; I would have a day all to my self and just feel free for the first time in a long time.  But school always won. It always had this way of pulling me back in. And that’s because of my perseverance. My insatiable fear to never fail. My drive to never give up has always been my biggest motivator.

I am finally done with the semester. The excruciating semester that brought me to the edge and I couldn’t be anymore proud of myself. I proved to myself that  I can do anything with the right attitude and the desire to achieve. I proved to my family that I am capable of being smart like they always knew I could be. I was a long journey and one that I have no regrets. I worked tirelessly through everyday of the semester, every weekend to prove to myself that I could so this. I could beat this semester up and show it who is boss. I proved myself by getting a 3.9 GPA. I couldn’t really ask for more.

I would love to tell my old self, back almost 4 months ago, to hold on to push through and smile, because all of this hard work will be worth it.